Hi Chris, I'm clapping for your sincerity and honesty, and for sharing so deeply your life experience. I'm so sorry you were raped and that you developed these states to survive. It's not fair, but I'm thankful that you did, because you chose to stay, and that's everything. A few slugs of cider and a night walk in the woods. Sounds familiar. Anyway to get by until help arrived. I was also raped, turns out the rape occured in the woods, so I was returning to the woods to process whenever I could - day or night, until I could remember. And remembering only happened when I had support to take the inner journey.

I hear that he was a boxer and that you had no defence apart from fawn and freeze. It's very common and I would reflect that it's natural for a child going through trauma to act like this, for survival.

I'm happy that this article has given you some more unfolding in the perspective of what happened. Do you have a current support network to help you through the integration of this?

I'm glad that you survived. I see you have a huskey in your picture, I resonate a lot with the huskey spirit. What is it that you love to do with your life now Chris?